Words of Wisdom

Every now and then my man says something that makes me really think... not just think but actually shut up and think. Those who know me know that this is an impressive feat - there's a very funny sense the sarcasm? no? well you should family joke my brother started that involves looking for my 'batteries' and being unable to locate them - I talk a lot and sometimes struggle to keep quiet long enough to really hear what's being said to me. I stress sometimes because believe it or not for a chatterbox I am a good listener according to lots of people excluding my brother. Anyways tonight was one of those nights where not only did I stop long enough to hear my husband but hours later I actually remember exactly what he said -- this is unusual for me, I'm terrible when it comes to quoting people.

Fantastic words from my fantastic husband: "Expect the best and prepare for the worst." This is going to be my new motto.

I have been trying to change my thought patterns recently. I'm sure it has something to do with the book "Eat, Pray, Love" which I'm presently reading and a whole lot more to do with the fact that I'm turning 30 in just a few short months I'll save that for another post. Basically I'm trying to get rid of my negative thought patterns and replace them with positive ones. It's not that I'm a really negative person but there are a few things that I mentally harp on that need to be flushed out of my bean.

Teacher's college is one of these negative bits that I'm struggling with. I'm feeling a whole lot of pressure to get into a particular school because a) I want it so bad I can taste it b) the alternative kind of stinks and c) everyone thinks that I should be accepted. With my experience and sheer brilliance I'm kidding I am the "perfect candidate" for the program. Many of the fabulous people I presently work with (teachers, admin, consultants) and those from my past places of employment have told me this and I don't think they are saying it just to be nice. Of course I've heard it from my wonderful husband, both sets of parents, extended family and friends... but I'm not so convinced.

It's not that I don't think I deserve to be accepted, because I truly do, I've worked my butt off to get this degree finished in three years while working full-time. I have loads of fabulous experience with special needs children and well... I absolute adore kids and cannot imagine myself doing anything other than teaching. It's the number of people actually accepted into the program compared to the number that apply that is causing my brain to think unhappy thoughts. My odds of acceptance are slim: 2800 people applied last year and only 70 were accepted. Okay I shouldn't ignore the fact that 1100 people did not meet academic requirements so really the ratio was more like 70:1700. Ouch.

Lately I've been telling myself and everyone else who will listen (when discussing teacher's college) that I'm not expecting to get into the program. The reason I keep stressing this is because I don't want to be crushed if I'm not accepted. For the past two years everyone I know has told me that they "know" I'll get in and that if I "think positive and know it's going to happen" I'll be golden. As much as I want to think this way I can't and I explained this to Mike last night. If I think super positive and convince myself that "Yes I am getting into this particular program" and then I don't, I will be melt into a puddle right then and there and likely stay in puddle mode for quite some time and I don't want to deal with myself in that state. I've been there before and it's not pretty. I know I will be disappointed and this I can handle but being knocked unconscious with the weight of disappointment is a completely different story. My way of avoiding this situation is to assume that I won't get in and think that it will be a fabulous surprise if I do.

While discussing all of this with mike he seemed to understand where I was coming from and felt my frustration but he didn't fully agree with my way of thinking Negative thoughts rarely gets us very far so 'expecting the worst' is not likely going to help with achieving goals" think positive and positive will come. This is true (in my mind) but I know that out of 2000 people applying there are bound to be a good portion who are thinking just as positively as I am.

It was then that my wonderful man said my new favorite words: "Expect the best and prepare for the worst." Brilliant! What a great way of looking at things, this way I can think to myself "You're getting in" while also mentally preparing myself for the worst: not being accepted. It seems like such a simple solution... it's the way I can 'think positive' while not shoving my head so deep in the clouds that the fall will mean an extraordinarily long recovery. Thinking positive while still being realistic. Why didn't I think of this sooner? In my mind 'thinking positive' meant not allowing any negative thoughts into my head. Now I realize that the reality is that life isn't always fair and things don't always go the way you want them to so of course thinking positive doesn't mean never thinking of the negative things, it simply means expecting positive but being prepared for negativity to rear it's ugly head.

Thank you to my husband for clearing the cobwebs from my brain and a special thanks to the famous basketball player he was quoting (he remembered these words from a post-game interview a few years back). I am going to spend the next couple of weeks focusing on the completion of my application and once that is complete I'll start to look further into my second choice scenario 'just in case'. I don't expect that my negative thoughts will no longer pop into my brain because I know they will but when they do I'm going to tell them: "I have a damn good chance of getting in so please sirs would you piss off?"